오버롤 30...

라이팅 에세이 템플렛 수정이 시급해 보입니다. 그게 written discourse 점수 엄청 잡아먹어요. 한글로 예를들면 그래서, 그러므로, 하지만, 그렇기에, 처음에는, 다음에는... 등등 문장들 사이를 연결해줄때 사용되는 단어가 매끄럽지 못하거나 앞뒤 사유가 맞지 않다고 판단되면 written discourse 가 떨어집니다. 에세이 뿐만아니라 sst, swt에도 적용됩니다.

1.One of the most significant current discussions in modern society is capitalism. Regarding this issue, if, on the one hand, it can be said that money is really important for anybody in the 21st century, it can also be said that the drawbacks of this issue should not be ignored. The purpose of this essay is to examine the benefits and drawbacks of this issue with an understandable conclusion.
2.There are those with a belief that money is everything these days. The primary ground that is plain to see behind their argument is that more and more people are finding it increasingly possible for Them to do whatever they want with money. Another crucial element why people believe the contention is that money is seen as a great contributory factor in others. The most compelling evidence of this is that we cannot overlook that money is, closely involved in obtaining people’s trust, love and belief in materialism.
3.From the other standpoint, others are not content with the aforementioned benefits: they insist that Money is not only negative but also even disadvantageous. Primarily, anyone can see that money is associated with committing crimes either directly or indirectly. Such being the case, it is no exaggeration to say that money is the root of every crime in the world
4.Following the previous arguments on the above, I am in inclined to be of the same opinion with the former opinion despite some drawbacks of this issue

시험 10일가량 남았는데 .. 저 템플릿되로 외워서썻거든요...swt 는 앞문장과 끝문장을 and 로만 이어서 썻구요....
sst는  틀에 키워드 넣는 씩으로 썻습니다... 10점 받은사람을 못본거같은데 ㅠ  틀을 전부 바꿔야할까요?..

아 근데 라이팅 틀대로는썻지만 오프토픽 말안되게 썻구.. sst도 오디오 들리는 단어를 끼워넣는씩으로 썻습니다

One of the most significant current discussions in modern society is capitalism. Because money is really important for anybody in the 21st century. However, the main issue is that the drawbacks of this issue should not be ignored. The purpose of this essay is to examine the benefits and drawbacks of this issue with an understandable conclusion.

Firstly, money is everything these days. Because the primary ground which is plain to see behind their argument is that more and more people are finding it increasingly possible for them to do whatever they want with money. Furthermore, another crucial element why people believe the contention is that money is seen as a great contributory factor in others. For example, the most compelling evidence of this is that we cannot overlook that money is closely involved in obtaining people’s trust, love and belief in materialism.

However, the other standpoint is that others are not content with the aforementioned benefits. Because they insist that money is not only negative but also even disadvantageous. For instance, anyone can see that money is associated with committing crimes either directly or indirectly. By this way, it is no exaggeration to say that money is the root of every crime in the world.

Following the previous arguments on the above, it can be inclined to be of the same opinion with the former opinion, despite some drawbacks of this issue.

제가 몇군데, 특히 연결단어들을 수정햇어요. 참고바랍니다.

저도 첫 모의 고사 칠때 written discourse 10점 나왔는데, 유명한 With the rise of urbanization으로 시작 하는 템플레이트 사용하고 나서는 항상 90점 나왔어요. 그런데 지금 라이팅은 그래도 점수가 괜찮게 나오신거 아닌신가요?  5점이 목표시험 Read aloud  파트를 중점적으로 해서 리딩이랑 스피킹 점수 향상을 노려야 하지 않을까 싶네요.

조언 정말 감사합니다... 수정해서 시험 쳐 보겟습니다~~!